Gamer Mom

I'm truly proud to be considered a gamer, probably even more so now that I am a mom. It feels like some kind of achievement, juggling kids and still finding time to be this other person that so few of your comrades understand. It's actually common practice for my husband and I to be running a heroic in WoW while having to excuse ourselves for a quick minute because the 3 year old is knocking on his door yelling he has to poop. For us though, World of Warcraft came before our children and now when I think back to a time that we played it so carefree, I am boggled.

World of Warcraft was the first game I ever really played with so much intensity. I didn't grow up with this uber gaming background, I had an older brother who used to charge fees to our phone bill calling the Nintendo Hotline trying to figure out how to beat Zelda for my SNES. Those were the days before internet and walkthroughs, but he was 6 years older than me and I was only allowed to watch him play Zelda because it was my SNES. If it had been his, I would have been forbidden to touch it and probably look at it too. I got my first game boy for my 5th birthday, my first lunchbox when I was in Kindergarten was Super Mario Bros. Looking back now, it seems so obvious where my future should have been headed, but then I got off course and the only thing I played during my high school days were Neopets. Ouch, the shame... I still have that account too. The night World of Warcraft came out, I was at the Walmart at midnight, but not to buy the game... I didn't even know anything about the game or Warcraft in general. I was there to buy stuff to surprise my best friend for her 18th birthday, we also picked up fresh Krispy Kremes for her and when we got home... she wasn't even there. A month later, Christmas, I got a new computer... my boyfriend/now husband searched around for a copy of World of Warcraft thinking that I might like to try it now that I had a computer good enough and if I didn't, then he would keep the copy and that was it. We had to find another copy, I made my NE warrior, leveled to 60, farmed for my Arcanite Reaper, raided Molten Core and BWL with the guild I am still in. I remember falling asleep at the computer at 4am on our millionth attempt at the Tiger Boss in Zul'Gurub and I remember having our server first Zin'Rokh, Destroyer of Worlds... those were great times.

I've come a long way and some things I am ashamed I knew so little about. For instance, I recall being in a Gnomeregan and someone asked me how I was spec'ed and I literally had a couple of points in each tree. I also used to put intellect stuff on my warrior because I wanted her to be smart.

My whole point is that I have learned a lot... tons, more than I could have ever imagined. World of Warcraft isn't the only game I play now - I play lots of games and all different kinds. I used to be scared to play Tomb Raider because the creatures run at you and now my husband and I play Left 4 Dead 2 like it's nothing. (I get in trouble for shooting him sometimes though) I am just so greatful to be a part of the gaming community, I may not have been there my whole life and I still have to play catch up sometimes, but I love it and I love the people. I am so damn excited about going to my first convention this year and even more so that it's PAX East. This whole thing was suggested on a whim this year by my husband, but it's all come together so naturally and I am pumped to be hanging out with thousands of people who share my passion in just 43 more days. See you in Boston!

3 year old antics.

I'm new to this whole three year old thing, one week out and I am feeling very discouraged about the next 51 weeks. My three year old somehow channels Double Dare, even though he's never seen it. He likes to siphon liquid out of his cup and spit it into another inappropriate container, always resulting in a mess. I hated it when it was water, but now it's milk. I'd say thank god my kids don't drink juice, but I think I would prefer sticky juice over rotten milk smells any day. Another thing this new age has brought is him saying he doesn't like things... and I don't really mean things, I mean people. He's always told us when he doesn't like something, but now he has opinions on people... like Daddy. I can't say I didn't find it somewhat amusing that my Daddy's boy declared he didn't like Daddy, but that he still liked Mommy, considering I'm, without a doubt... always, bad cop. I really have no clue how to correct this spitting, I've even outlawed drinks for him anywhere but the kitchen table, but then he just somehow gets the 18 month old's drink instead. The baby is attached to his cup, enforcing a rule requiring him to drink in his high chair is not really an option because he would probably turn into veal from sitting in his chair too much.

For the record, I am totally against veal, I think it's cruel... hence the reason why I cannot subject my own child to restricted movement torture. However, when they refuse to take naps, I don't see any problem with confining them to their cribs/room for the usual amount of nap time, deemed "quiet time" on no nap days,  because if mommy doesn't get a break, she will go crazy.

Tears of heartbreak

I've been so busy with finals that I've neglected the fact that my boys have moppy hair. Today I saw a really neat toy at Toys R' Us though and it was on sale and I figured I would take them and get that and then go get their haircuts at the place we take them too. Well the toy was sold out and the haircut place was closed. I think it was more than closed though, it wasn't empty, but I'm pretty sure it closed down. It was in an obscure place, very hard to find - impossible if you use GPS surprisingly, so I can't say it's a total shock. This place was cool, they had a firetruck that you could lay on the get your hair washed, 4 vehicles to sit in - each with personal TV, and a toddler play area that you could climb in and slide down. My oldest has only ever sat in the firetruck seat, but today he talked about wanting to ride in the airplane, I was really looking forward to it. But then they were closed so we had to go all the way back home, quite a ways, and on the way home my new little 3 year old said so quietly, "I want a haircut." I looked at him in the rearview and he had these watery eyes and a sad little tear started to come out, his first heartbreak... I don't think I can handle another one.

On the verge of a burnout

When my classes started, I was totally gung ho about them, excited with the tasks and getting them done. I know I am facing a burnout because my stupid persuasive speech is due in 36 minutes and I submitted it 44 minutes before the 12pm deadline. I'm not even proud of it, I hastily wrote it around 9pm, I honestly tried to do it earlier today, but my kids were screaming at each other while my husband was looking after them and they were screaming so loud, I had to abandon my assignment to go see who was killing who. The 17 month old was sitting on my husband while he laid on the 2 years old bed and the 2 year old was just screaming "We don't hit" and doing something that looked a lot like hitting. I had no choice but to intervene, abandoning my laptop on the bed until tonight. It was a hard topic, I wrote the speech and instead of memorizing it, I taped it to a Triscuit box, planted my Flip camera on top of the box and pretended I had a teleprompter. As for visual cues, I used family photos, but my speech still ran 2 freaking seconds short so I clearly should have included more. I figure she can't give me a zero and even if she takes off for it, I would be hard pressed to still not get an A in the class. The point is, all of this logic is irresponsible and I shouldn't be thinking this way, so wha-la, I am burned out. I did my psychology in a timely manner this week, but only because it was easy. I had to talk about what stressed me out... Kids, duh! I jumped at a chance to whine and then as per discussion board rules where I have to post a comment on someone else's topic, I found another mother who whined about her kids as well and totally gave her a virtual high five.

A pretty boring post about a dress being THE dress.

Yes, magical dress moments. Like when you are shopping for your wedding dress and your eye catches one and you know nothing else will compare and that this is THE ONE, that is a magical dress moment. Not all people have this moment I guess when looking for something as important as their wedding dress, well at least according to that one show on TLC, "Say Yes to the Dress." For me, I didn't have that kind of budget to be shopping somewhere like that, but I did go to a boutique and not a David's Bridal type place. When we walked in, me and my mom, I saw this one dress and it caught my eye and I loved it, in fact, saying I loved it almost seems like an understatement. I knew this dress was THE dress, but was a little deflated when my mom and I looked at the price tag and it was almost double our modest budget. Of course that doesn't stop the sales attendant, she's not stupid... she had me try that dress on first. My mother and I both loved it and for us to agree on something is rare. No other dress I tried on compared and in the end, my mother knew I had to have that dress and she agreed to pay the discussed amount and I would pay her back the difference. My dream came true though and I got the dress that I had a magical moment with.

Today I had another magical moment with a dress, a cocktail dress that I wanted to wear to my husband's company Christmas party. I knew before I tried it on that no other dress in that store was right for me and even though I couldn't zip it up, I bought it anyway... thinking maybe that it was just because I was reluctant to ask for help zipping it up and that once I got home and had my husband's help all would be ok. I would have had no other qualms about it either, except it was a petite. A cleverly placed petite dress among the women's section, taunting me. I even considered trying the next size up, but they were out. When I got home, my husband could not zip up the dress and told me I needed to take it back. I couldn't just give up the dress, not this dress. It was black and short, I saw it in my future going to wedding and funerals and more parties... it was my "little black dress" that I had waited so long for. I called another store nearby and they had the next size up, still petite, but I had them hold it. Well, I struggled, but was able to get it zipped up mostly without help so I got it and took it home expecting my husband to zip it up for me. Well, he couldn't... apparently someone failed zippers or something in Kindergarten and I was on my own, once again. I got the hard part done, he finished it up and there I was... in my one size two big dress that I loved and still had to struggle to get in to just so I could have it cut into my armpits.

I can't give up this dress... I won't. I went to my final plan which was order one off of the website which isn't listed as petite. I'm scared though, the store only carried petite and the website only carries regular? Something is not right. So now I own two dresses, hopefully only one will go back. My mother suggested I starve myself for 2 weeks, but with Thanksgiving coming up, that isn't very realistic. I like food too much anyway. I should also mention that the top of the dress, where the zipper gets stuck is more due to the ruching on the dress than my waistline which is why my husband failed both times. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will all work out.

Super Smells

My husband has been complaining about our fridge smelling like B.O. ever since we have moved into this house. I have yet to smell this mystery smell, in fact, he just made me press my nose into the fridge's buttcrack to get a whiff of said mystery smell and I smelt nothing. He then smells it again and with frustration in his voice says, "You don't smell that!?" Then he goes on to say it smells like BO or maybe crayons and I was like "OK, crayons maaaybe, but BO... no." I told him that maybe he sat next to some smelly kid in Kindergarten that liked to color and the kid was mean to him so he associates crayons with bad smells. I think colored wax is pretty joyful.

Since I'm new here, I should also mention that I am the super smeller in this household while my husband is most guilty of smelling phantom poops from the toddler. He will never give me credit for the things I smell, even during my 2 pregnancies where my senses were heightened and it pisses him off to no end when I tell him his parent's house smells like band-aids... which it does. He claims it's whatever his mom uses to clean the floor.

It's just nice to be able to say my husband is crazy for once.

Watch your toes, I have big feet. Seriously, size 10.

My next assignment in my speech class is a persuasive speech. Honestly, I cannot express how much I do not like the subject matter of this course, but again... it's required so I have to tough it out. I'm not into researching and talking about something I don't know anything about, sure I might learn something, but isn't it bad enough to have to record myself talking to a camera while my husband makes odd expressions for 5-7 minutes. That's a long time! So I pick subjects that I know a little bit about, for example, my first speech was an introduction speech. No problem, I know all about myself. Second speech was the informational, I chose how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This speech, persuasive. Problem, what do I know enough about to try to persuade someone that it's the way to be? What do I choose?

The pros of being a stay at home mom. Why? Because there are a lot of pros to being a stay at home mom. The con... not being able to list the cons. I don't want to come across like some super mom because I'm not, I'm average mom who sometimes exceeds expectations or occasionally falls below the line. I'm human mom. Regardless, I was required to post my outline a week in advance and while her comments are normally sugary sweet and over the top, mine was not so now I'm feeling discouraged and intimidated. I know she's a mom, I think to a 4 year old boy and she probably has some kind of daycare because let's face it, educators are seriously underpaid. I wasn't trying to step on her toes or claim some kind of superiority over her. I am a stay at home mom because I do not have my college degree and therefore it is cheaper for me to stay at home with the kids then work some minimum wage job and hand my entire paycheck over to some daycare. I didn't choose this, I'm grateful for the opportunity and no, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I think parenting is not easy and there is no perfect way to raise a child and so I do not look down on using childcare, it just wasn't how my family ended up.